Domestic violence and domestic abuse only happening to children and women is a misconception. In fact, everyone may experience these violence and abuse. There are no exemptions and excuses. These happen even among same-sex relationships. Domestic abuse is also known as spousal abuse wherein one person in a marriage or relationship tries to control, manipulate, overpower and dominate the other person. He/She threatens his/her partner’s social life, personal life, and dignity. Domestic abuse and violence includes not only physical abuse but also emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental, psychological, economic or financial, sexual and spiritual.
According to some studies, there is only one reason why there is domestic violence and domestic abuse and why an individual tries to manipulate and control his/her partner, and that reason is the want to gain supremacy in their respective relationships to be able to control everything. This is very alarming because even a single incidence of abuse may end up affecting the abused individual for the rest of his or her life.
But you can prevent domestic abuse as early as possible. The solution is to face the problem with great strength and without fear. The first step is to know the signs that you are being abused.
Here some warning signs of abuse and abusive relationships :
- Presence of Fear and Anxiety – You should feel safe, secure, and comfortable whenever you are with your partner. Typically, you believe that he/she will protect you against any and all threats, but there is something wrong if you are afraid of him/her because of certain reasons. You are afraid that if you have done something wrong he/she will get mad and hurt you. This is the initial sign that you are being abused because you won’t feel any fear if you know that your welfare is safe with him/her.
- Partner’s Decrying Behavior – Your partner degrades your dignity, intimidates you by showing off that you can’t do anything worthwhile, criticizes all your actions and tries to put you down all the time. During family occasions, he/she downgrades you in front of their family and friends as if you’re futile. Whenever you suggest something, he/she ignores it because he/she doesn’t want you to participate in helping him/her make his/her own decisions. Lastly, he/she only sees you as sex object wherein your only worth is during sexual intercourse.
- Inflexible Gender Roles – This mostly happens to women. They are not allowed to go out with their friends and sometimes family. Their partners won’t allow them to have social lives. Women facing these inflexible gender roles are forced to accept the rule that they are only destined to be at home to serve and take care of their family. Women are also forced to accept the fact that they should follow whatever their partners tell them to do.
- Partner’s Violent Behavior and Threats – You can already see and feel that you are being abused through this sign. There is verbal abuse when your partner threatens you that he/she will kill you, hurt you, lock you up, or do anything to you that anyone in his/her right mind wouldn’t do. Your partner also threatens you to take away from you your children and if you leave, he/she will threaten commit suicide. The worst part is that if he/she threatens you that he/she will kill you if you won’t have sex. In short he/she forces you to have sex even if you don’t want to.
- Partner’s Manipulative Behavior – Your partner controls your whole being. You cannot resist his/her demands. You are being forced to answer everything that he/she will ask you. Some signs of this are jealousy even if there’s nothing to be jealous about and obsession in a way that you should stay beside him/her no matter what. And the most evident sign is that he/she always checks on you. It seems to be a good thing but excessive checking up would feel like you don’t have the freedom to be where you want to be because you are being monitored whenever and wherever you go.
- Financial abuse – Your partner controls your financial independence. He/she gets your monthly compensation, limits the use of your own money, restricts you on your allowance even if it comes from your own salary, steals your money, makes you spend for basic necessities even if you had already given your monthly compensation, and sabotages your job so that you won’t earn that much and make you rely on him/her so that he/she can wholly control you.
- Partner Has a Past of Battery – Your partner confesses that he/she had a past history of hurting others not just emotionally but also physically. You should remember that if he/she already did it once, there’s no doubt that there would be a tendency that he/she would repeat it and do it to you. So be careful with this kind of situation. It is better if you won’t only use your heart in making decisions; you should also use your head.
- Partner’s Pride and Ego – Your partner is very sensitive with what people say about him/her especially when it’s negative. He/she feels hurt inside, and to release these feelings, there would be a possibility that he/she releases it as a form of battering not only to his/her partner but also to their children and even other people.
- Partner’s Aggressive Behavior – This is usually experienced by women. You will notice this from the time your partner begins courting you. He wants to be committed to you as early as possible and you get pressured. If he truly loves you, he will wait no matter how long will it takes.
- Imaginative Expectations – Your partner expects you to be a perfect person in that you can provide whatever he/she wants from you.
- Presence of severe bruises and wounds – This may not be the initial sign of physical abuse but the word “severe” makes it a sign of domestic abuse and violence. Your partner may hurt you accidentally but if he/she intended to hurt you, there would be the presence of sever bruises and wounds in your body.
- Getting Out of the Relationship – There is a tendency that you want to get out of your relationship with your partner because you cannot anymore tolerate the pain he/she gives you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
The warning signs of domestic abuse and violence we have mentioned here are the most common and you should always be on the lookout for these situations. If you can detect them as soon as they start, you will be able to deal with the situation promptly and this will help you avoid a lot of emotional pain in the future.
Robert Moment is a life coach, speaker and author of several life-transforming books, Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence Help for Abused Women and Domestic Violence Survivors, Verbal Abuse: How Women Can Successfully Recognize, Respond to and Overcome Verbally Abusive Relationships and Abusive People, and How Do You Find Happiness . Robert specializes in maximizing human potential for happiness , purpose and success. Visit http://www.DomesticAbuseandDomesticViolence.com and sign-up for the FREE Life-Transforming e-courses on Overcoming Domestic Abuse and Verbal Abuse