Even after you’ve escaped an abusive relationship, the pain lingers. But you found the strength to get out — there’s no reason to let the past interfere with the present, or the future. Now is the time to overcome the effects of that relationship. Life coach and author Robert Moment says, there are 10 Tips on How to Overcome Domestic Violence Relationships. To become truly free, follow these helpful tips:
1. Find a Good Counselor or Therapist
Abused women often feel worthless and powerless. These feelings can last even after you’ve left your abuser. Regain your feelings of self-worth and personal power with the help of a skilled counselor. Once you’ve found a counselor you feel comfortable with, ask about joining a support group as well. The empathy you’ll get from other women who share your experiences will be invaluable.
2. Allow Your feelings, then Move on
You may still have some feelings for your former spouse, despite his abuse. It’s OK — in fact, it’s normal. Allow yourself to feel however you feel for a while. Simply strive to avoid focusing on your feelings, and begin to let them go.
3. Grieve if You Need to
There are many things you may be grieving. You may be sad that your relationship turned out so badly. You may feel that your trust was betrayed, or your dreams were destroyed. Allow yourself to grieve the loss, and let your counselor help you through it.
4. Deal with Other Emotions
In addition to lingering feelings of love and sadness, there’s a whole host of other emotions you might be experiencing. Years of domestic abuse may have made you hypervigilant in stressful or threatening situations. You may feel guilt about leaving your spouse, or anger at the violence you endured. It’s important to talk to your therapist about all your emotions.
5. Connect with Supportive People
Spend some time re-establishing your relationships with family and friends. Your abuser probably tried very hard to keep you isolated, and now is the time to seek out all the support you can find. As you recover from the effects of domestic violence, confide in your closest friends and family members. Speaking your truth will help free you from the past.
6. Face Legal Issues
If you and your abuser were married or have children together, you’ll need to work out some legal agreements. Find a good attorney to help you. If you’re afraid you can’t afford a lawyer, seek help through legal aid or a local women’s organization. A good attorney will save you years of custody or financial problems.
7. Communicate Carefully
There may be times when you have to communicate with your abuser. As much as possible, communicate through a third party — your lawyer is an obvious choice. If you must have personal contact, keep it short and to the point, and document every conversation. Make it clear that you will no longer accept any kind of disrespectful interaction.
8. Re-Discover Your Talents
Many abused women have given up jobs, hobbies, and special interests in an effort to keep their abusers happy. Now you’ve got the chance to add meaning to your life by doing the things that make you happiest — so do them! You’ll begin to feel more powerful as you remember how gifted you are.
9. Keep on Letting Go
You may reach a point where you’re considering a reconciliation. At this point you need to understand that your abuser is an expert manipulator; don’t allow yourself to be fooled! Your abuser needs counseling. Until your abuser go through a reputable counseling program don’t even consider trying to work out the relationship. Your life matters and you deserve to live your best life now and in the future.
10. Have Faith in Yourself
This is not an easy path. You may feel deeply wounded. You may doubt that you’ll ever find real love. But don’t give up! You were strong enough and wise enough to escape a violent, destructive relationship. Trust that you’re also strong enough to overcome the effects of that relationship, and live a life full of happiness, satisfaction, and love that doesn’t hurt you.
Be patient with yourself and the healing process that is required to overcome a domestic abusive relationship. You have the strength within to get through this and start living the life you deserve. Be encouraged. Your best days are ahead of YOU !
You are a precious Gift to this world.
Let Your Light Shine !
Robert Moment is a life coach, speaker and author of several life-transforming books, Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence Help for Abused Women and Domestic Violence Survivors, Verbal Abuse: How Women Can Successfully Recognize, Respond to and Overcome Verbally Abusive Relationships and Abusive People, and How Do You Find Happiness . Robert specializes in maximizing human potential for happiness , purpose and success. Visit http://www.DomesticAbuseandDomesticViolence.com and sign-up for the FREE Life-Transforming e-courses on Overcoming Domestic Abuse and Verbal Abuse