The hardest thing to do after you leave behind an abusive relationship is to build your self-esteem. At times the task may seem too tough. The past and the associated negative feelings pull you back. Your lack of self-esteem will not allow you to trust anyone. However, you need to understand that you are worthy of love. You are valuable and can create a life that you will be proud of. When you could show the courage to say no to domestic violence, you can also wield it to create a beautiful life.
Distance Yourself from the Abuser
As the first step towards rebuilding your self confidence, you need to distance yourself from the abuser. If you are staying on your own, try to sever all contacts with the abuser. This is important to heal and find the right direction in life.
Assess Your Situation
Do not try to justify the abuser or the relationship. The situation sucked and you had every right to get out of it. Disassociate yourself from the situation and assess it objectively. You will understand that you have done the right thing. You have taken a strong stand and you should feel proud of yourself.
Develop Your Support System
Building self confidence will require you to take others’ help and the more you reach out to people, the faster and easier the process will be. So, share your feelings with your trusted relatives and friends. Seek their help in increasing self esteem. Go out with them and try to develop your own network of friends which will extend you support and help.
Take Care of Yourself
Women who have been abused for years often lose interest in life. They must realize that life is too precious to waste on a bad experience. Taking care of yourself in small ways like eating right, exercising and sleeping well go a long way in healing the wounds. Moreover, women of abuse need to love themselves and taking care of themselves is the first step towards it.
You may never realize how an abusive relationship erodes your self esteem. Emotional abuse or verbal abuse wreaks havoc on the self esteem. To build your self esteem, you need to learn to love yourself. You may require taking help from your support group. Try to find the things you are good at, ask your friends for their suggestions. Make a list of your good attributes and keep it with yourself. Whenever you feel low, go through it and observe your feelings.
Use Affirmations to Build Your Self Confidence
Create a few affirmations that would bolster your self confidence and incorporate them in your daily routine. You can write them down in post-it notes and paste them in highly visible places like the refrigerator door or your bathroom mirror. Simple affirmations like, “I am beautiful”, “I deserve respect” and “I am confident” will make you feel good about yourself and help you to regain your self esteem.
Be Gentle to Yourself
Domestic violence creates scars that are difficult to heal. You should realize that the damage that has been done over a period of time cannot be healed overnight. It requires time, patience and constant affirmation to leave behind the past and lead a normal life. So, you need to be gentle towards yourself. Do not expect results soon. Take time to come out of the nightmare and build your life slowly but confidently. Give yourself ample time to assess your situation, observe your feelings and do whatever it takes to gain your self confidence. At times things would seem very difficult and you may feel like giving up. Just hold on to your courage and move forward.
Women of abuse are often found to hold themselves responsible for getting into an abusive relationship. They consider themselves guilty and that affects their self esteem. However, they should see the relationship from the right perspective. They took a decision that proved to be wrong and this does not prove their inadequacies.
Be Your Own Counselor
Victims of domestic abuse need mental encouragement and that can be provided by professional counselors. At times of distress they can also be their own counselors. Just by observing how they feel and writing that down, they can experience mental peace and also feel empowered. Writing down their feelings also helps them to regain self confidence. Writing also aids in planning for the future and taking control of life.
Reach Out to Love
After experiencing abusive relationships, women find it difficult to trust anyone. It takes time to develop faith in people and also to realize that some people are really nice. You have to rebuild your life and also give love a chance. It may take time but you should open yourself to the idea of love and a new beginning in life.
Domestic violence should be dealt in the right perspective. It is a chapter of your life that needs to be closed so that you can write a fresh one. Be the master of your own fate and create a life full of love and care.
You are a precious Gift to this world.
Let your Light Shine !
Robert Moment is a life coach, speaker and author of several life-transforming books, Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence Help for Abused Women and Domestic Violence Survivors, Verbal Abuse: How Women Can Successfully Recognize, Respond to and Overcome Verbally Abusive Relationships and Abusive People, and How Do You Find Happiness . Robert specializes in maximizing human potential for happiness , purpose and success. Visit http://www.DomesticAbuseandDomesticViolence.com and sign-up for the FREE Life-Transforming e-courses on Overcoming Domestic Abuse and Verbal Abuse