Life is a Journey, Not a Destination
Abusive relationships are more common than you may think. You may not understand why a woman who is being abused stays in that relationship, but there are many different reasons. One of the hardest things to do is overcome your feelings and get your life back. If you are in an abusive relationship, it’s very important that you end the relationship as soon as possible. It may in fact save your life.
However, you need to understand the thoughts and emotions of abused women before you can make a plan to actually leave. You need know that you are not alone and many women have felt this same way before. Your feelings are completely normal; once you recognize them you can start to overcome them. Here are 10 keys to reclaiming your life after leaving an Abusive Relationship:
1. Extreme guilt: You feel guilty leaving him; after all he needs you there to take care of him because he can’t take care of himself. He may not have anyone else who cares in his life and you feel bad for leaving him alone. However, he took care of himself just fine before he met you and is perfectly capable of taking care of himself now.
2. It’s your fault he’s like this: You may feel like he hits you or emotional abuses you because you did something wrong. You may think this is what you deserve. It’s not you, it’s them. If they abuse you then they will abuse any women in their life. More than likely they have been abusive to the women before you as well. You didn’t make him the way he is; it’s not your fault.
3. If you leave he may hurt your friends or family: Abusive men break women down slowly. Little by little they begin to become terrified that this man is capable of anything. You certainly don’t want the people you love to be hurt or worse. Believe me, your friends and family will be fine. The reality is they are nowhere near as scared of him as you are and he wouldn’t dare try to hurt someone who wasn’t afraid of him.
4. You have nowhere to go. A lot of abusive men isolate women from their friends and family. Even if this has happened to you if you are strong and call some of your friends and family, most likely someone will take you in. They still care, but they can’t make your decisions for you. They won’t offer you need to take the first step and ask for help. I know it’s hard, but it has to be done. If you really don’t have anywhere at all to go, then call the local women’s shelter. Most cities have them and you can stay there, the people there will help you get on your feet.
5. If you leave you’ll be alone forever: No one wants to be alone, but you won’t be alone forever. Once you begin to get your life back together, you will realize that you’re worth it. You deserve better and there is someone out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
6. If I leave my kids won’t have a father: It’s sad I know, but if you stay your kids will grow up to have abusive relationships as well. Truth be told, they are much better off without him.
7. I don’t have any money to leave: It doesn’t matter, the important part is leaving. You can worry about making money later. You will slowly get on your feet and get a job to make your own money.
8. If he finds me he’ll kill me: If you don’t leave he has more of a chance to kill you. If you feel that your life is that much in danger, then leave at night when he’s asleep and don’t tell anyone where you are going. Eventually he will give up looking for you.
9. If I leave him then he’ll just put someone else through this: That is probably true, but hopefully they will be smart enough to notice the early signs of an abuser. You can’t allow what may happen to the next person to be your problem. You need to worry about you and your kids, if you have them, getting out and finding a safe place to go.
10. I can’t do it on my own: Yes, you can. You may not remember, but somehow you made it before you met him and you will make it after you leave him.
Surviving an abusive relationship will probably be one of the hardest things you do in your life. Just keep in mind that you are a strong woman and you deserve better than what you have now. No one deserves to be abused, no matter what they’ve done in their lives. You can beat this and you can get your life back.
Robert Moment is a life coach, speaker and author of several life-transforming books, Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence Help for Abused Women and Domestic Violence Survivors, Verbal Abuse: How Women Can Successfully Recognize, Respond to and Overcome Verbally Abusive Relationships and Abusive People, and How Do You Find Happiness . Robert specializes in maximizing human potential for happiness , purpose and success. Visit http://www.DomesticAbuseandDomesticViolence.com and sign-up for the FREE Life-Transforming e-courses on Overcoming Domestic Abuse and Verbal Abuse